spill out my mind...

In the life of the "if it's going to happen to someone it's going to happen to her" girl, there is yet another illness.

Swine Flu.

I managed to get swine flu, and give it to my twin sister. Together, we are quarantined in our little house in Morro Bay, stuck staring out at the world but unable to touch it; this must be what space feels like.

The one upside is that my kitten, who seems to know that something is wrong with me, will not leave my lap. So happily, I am never alone. Maybe I'll have time to finish this drawing I'm working on, ill post it here when I'm done.

I went to Comic Con



People took pictures with me...



And i met Mr. Spock!



All Around Amazing!

Recently I was commissioned to do two paintings. One is of a dragon, the other of two leopards, one black, one spotted. I am thinking now that the projects are a bit too ambitious, but i can't back out now. After scrapping about 15 dragons (it supposed to be the one from Eragon) I have done most of the face and neck of one. Unfortunately, the painting is an 8x10 of the entire body including wings. This is what I have so far.



Wish me luck.

WARNING: Rant ahead.

Currently, I am living the college life, paying my dues in student housing. This year in San Luis Obispo is merely a transition phase in my life where I seem to be proving that this isn't meant for me. Yes, I have a decent time. Yes, I have decent friends. Yes, I am decently happy.

Decently.

Problem.

I live in a student housing nightmare of a suite with five rooms and five girls. Three of us are named Amanda. We share a common room and bathroom, both of which are constantly messy, one of which is constantly broken. We share breathing space, air, noise. I hear every wall pounding hook-up, every back stabbing word, every cat fight, kiss, drunken bit of revelry, slammed door, country song, rap song, curse and tear. Everyday I am scolded for something. Seriously; scolded like a five year old giant looking down on her mother who expects puppy dog eyes and 'I'm sorry"'s. I keep to my room, having given up on roommate unity and there is no goddamned reason for them to even speak to me let alone attempt to look down their upturned noses at me. I could easily put my four inch stiletto heel though the tops of their heads. They are near enough to the ground. How many nights have a spent on a friend's couch to politely avoid their fucking, and my candle is intolerable?!?! I'm sick of scowls, even more disgusted with those sneer smiles that are more like bearing teeth then welcome. I would call them jackals for the personality assumptions, but jackals are cute. They are none of my animals.

These girls are human. Simple and stated the adolescent age Homo sapiens , addicted to the penis, their own reflection and alcohol, in no particular order. Maybe I missed this stage? My attempt to 'party' with them have led to personal hell. I am trying to live in an environment which is far from conducive to my everything. My hair is falling out.

I have managed to convince myself that these girls (minus the one i am friends with) will mean nothing in the course of my life. They will become fabled characters with which I warn my kids when they leave the nest. I just need to survive them now.

Come and help me save myself black bird.

I was just commissioned to do a painting for someone.

SERIOUSLY?

I have never thought I had a talent at art, but my new found passion for it seems to be paying off.

Literally.

Amazing.

Currently, the deadliest fire ever to burn in Australia is raging through forests and towns, leaving massive destruction in its wake. When it was named the 'deadliest fire', the death toll was specifically human. No one has taken the time to count, or attempt a count, the number of animals killed in the flames.
There have however, been reports of Kangaroos jumping away from the forest line, backs lit up like torches. Livestock trapped within pens, forgotten in the panic, burn alive or break out, only to die later from burns or smoke inhalation. Another animal that has been overlooked in the chaos is the Koala.
Thanks to a very low metabolic rate (possibly from low levels of protein and high levels of toxins in their food, the koala sleeps or rests motionless for over 16 hours a day. Though they can move decently quickly among the trees, they do not like to walk, and are very slow on the ground. Add this to the fact that the trees are so heavy with eucalyptus oil that it hangs among them in a haze; it's high flammability causing some trees to randomly combust in the heat. This entire equation adds up to fast burning trees and slow moving animals who have little chance of escape.
There is however, one little piece of sunshine that has broken through the smoke. As one firefighter was walking through the charred forest, looking for hot spots, he came upon a koala. Burnt and dehydrated it looked right at him, pleading. Koalas are not the kindest of animals, despite their cuddly appearance, but this creatures look of desperation showed a need beyond natural habit. The firefighter called for a bottle of water, and then fed it to the koala (a female nicknamed Sam) while holding her little hand. He stayed with it until animal services could assist. She was brought to a rehab center, where she is recovering with antibiotics. She even has an admirer, a young male who constantly has his arms around her, cradling her.

Sometimes you have to look at the small victories.

Here is the picture.

...because this, in my world, is HUGE!
The Marcan Tiger Preserve in Ponce de Leon, FL is an amazing place dedicated to preserving the Bengal Tiger (and all it's variations)> Also, it is where my tigers come from.
The Alabama Gulf Coast Zoo holds a contract with the Preserve so that we help to raise a few of their litters of cubs a year. These are MY cubs, Sheena, Bandipur, Yovana, Venus, Indira, Fatima, and Ussuri. Last summer when I was put in charge of the cubs, this wasn't exactly cleared with the preserve. When they showed up on a random visit one day, and I was in doing a Tiger Encounter, things could have gotten very interesting. Instead, they stood outside and watched (with my heart pounding out of its chest thinking I would be on a plane in an hour) and then came and talked to me after the guests left. Instead of being horrified at an intern working so closely with their cubs, they told me I had a gift for tigers in that I loved them so much, and that they obviously loved me in return. This was one of the greatest moments I had at the Zoo.
Today, one of their lead tiger men, Jerry, added me as a friend on Facebook. Laugh all you want at how excited I am over this but it's a BIG DEAL! These people do what I dream of doing, and have such a deep connection with their tigers that I will forever be in envy. They travel over the country, teaching people about Tigers, showing them what amazing creatures they are, and encouraging them to help. Did I mention these tigers are AMAZINGLY HAPPY, healthy, and have more litters of cubs then another preserve could dream of? (The number one sign of a healthy environment and animal is reproduction.)His adding me on Facebook means that he remembers me. It means that he might like me. It means I have an IN. I would do anything to work with these people and developing a friendship with them now, having them trust me now, will weigh heavily in my favor when I graduate and it comes time for me to follow my career dreams.

So laugh all you want, but this is a big deal. This is what I want to do with my life. Here's a picture of Jerry. Hopefully in future years, you will see pictures of me like this.
:)

This is a tiger I recently painted. My scanner and I got into a fight however, and it is a good bit smaller then the actual painting.

This is what mist is supposed to look like. This is what I want to see when I look up.

I found this on Facebook. HAPPINESS!

You know you are a zookeeper when...

after work, all you attract are flies

your tan lines wash off

your pets greet your shoes and not you

all your pants have stains where you wipe your hands

you never shake hands without brushing your hands on your pants

you walk with a limp because of all the tools on your belt

your snot is black and not clear

you get really excited about a good solid poop

you spend all your vacations visiting other zoos

half your kitchen equipment and a good portion of your kids' toys end up at the zoo

you will eat most anything from the animal cooler as a snack

you don't even notice that you smell until you get into the car with the windows rolled up to go home

you think nothing of pulling off ticks while in line at the local fast-food place

you have two closets...one for work and one for the real world

you have more photos of your animal kids than of your friends

you wash your hands thoroughly BEFORE using the toilet

you politely decline to shake hands because you know WHERE your hands have been

you eagerly shake hands because YOU KNOW where you hands have been

the word "shit" is not a bad word

new rakes and shovels are more exciting than diamonds

you can be bribed to do anything for chocolate cake

you sit on a clothes dryer for warmth

over lunch the discussion involves the consistency of feces

the casserole at the Christmas party reminds someone of an animals discharge and you eat it anyway

you lock any and every door behind you

when you go to lunch with coworkers and you realize that everyone at nearby tables asks to be moved because of what you are discussing

your most cherished gift is a Leatherman Super Tool

you shop the toy section in Wal-Mart and you don't have kids, you have monkeys

a three day weekend means the ground in dirt on your hands is gone

you leave a trail of hay everywhere you go

you check to see which way the wind is blowing before dumping anything

you can make water run uphill, because architects believe all drains should be in the highest corner

taking off your boots at night is better than...well, just about anything

talk of animals' feces does not gross you out while eating

your pants and shoes are tan instead of white

perfume is offensive while bodily smells are not

you are not phased by a fecal sample in the fridge next to your lunch.…

you have no pictures of you without animals in them too

you can identify which species a fecal originated from by smell

you're routinely tested for internal parasites

your favorite smells are bleach and disinfectant

your pets aren't the only ones that receive a rabies shot

you look better when you wake up than when you get off of work

you have scars to prove it.

you use an ice chipper as a prying tool

a lock as a hammer

your radio doubles as a handy hose-rest

Hair-ties are also good temporary rubber washers.

friends and family get concerned you are in an abusive relationship because of the number of bruises you have all over your body and the fact that it takes so long to try and remember how you got them.

when all it takes to feel sexy is to not have feces on you.

when you can fall in a pile of poop and laugh it off but if your hose stays kinked for more than 2 seconds while you are hosing you go postal!!

when it's normal for you to have to wash your clothes at least twice to get them clean

when rainy days are the best days, but the day after rainy days are the worst

when you can name more animals than friends

you aren't intentially showing your underwear, your radio and tools on your belt just happen to pull your pants down

people in the normal world say you have the mouth of a "trucker" or "sailor" and you happen to come up with non-cus words to replace them because you realize that the public is watching you

you have eaten things off the floor in your area, after you have logically thought about it and use the 10 second rule

You have tasted the food your animals eat

You sometimes wear a face mask but you aren't in the medical field…you have monkeys and are sick

You use duct tape for EVERYTHING!

You have extra socks at work for when the hose springs yet another leak

You don't need to work out because your job is hard enough

You can carry a full 5 gallon bucket of water without spilling a drop

you have sleded on the shovels at work

You think it is funny to through feces (with the rake) while raking at a co-worker

You have been electrocuted by the hot wire..that keeps the Giraffe in

It is normal to get bit or chased by an animal...sometimes daily.

you ask people if they want to see a picture of your baby, and they look at you funny when it's something furry, or feathered, or scaly, etc...

You can hold your tongue (and laughter) when the public asks some of their questions. Gotta LOVE the public.

You find yourself using 10-4 in place of "thank you", "yes", and "okay" in your everyday (nonradio) conversations.

You sometimes feel like MacGyver because of half the stuff you have built from odds n ends.

you have more uses for hay string then duct tape.

you go to the Doctor and while in the waiting room a nurse who you never met asks what animal tried to eat you this time.

Hello All!
I have recently been presented with an opportunity to go and volunteer in Thailand helping at a reserve for orphaned elephants. I would spend my days feeding and cleaning them, doing enrichment activities and giving many baths. The down side? Total cost is somewhere in the range of 3000 including airfair. I managed my trip to Ecuador last year (almost $4500) by taking a semester off and working full time. Not the case this semester as I am in 15 units.

So here is my question to you:help? I need advice or ideas on quick money making plans. I am already getting a job but it won't make me enough. Does anyone know of a corporation that would sponsor me?

Also, does anyone have any idea how to make 500 dollars in about two weeks WITHOUT selling my body or drugs?

Thanks!

Having chosen the path of a Keeper, I have chosen a very physical lifestyle, riddled with challenges, injuries, rewards, love and heartbreak. I told my mother at age seven that I was going to work with animals, and my passions have only grown since then. This past week though, I have been reminded in the harshest way, that my job is not all fun and games. I have committed my life to helping protect these species, and as you can imagine working hands on, you become very attached. I love each animal I work with, and losing one is a severe blow. Over the past few days, we lost Big Girl, a Burmese Python I worked very closely with to help diagnose, treat and recover from a double inner ear infection, and Bella.

Big Girl and I became very close when, because of a dry shed, she landed a double inner ear infection. After running the length of her across the zoo with two other keepers, Michelle and I spent hours and hours slowly soaking her, and peeling away her worn covering. Running our hands down her caked, dry skin over and over until it was smooth, gobs coming away in our palms. All the while with her resting her head on my neck; a warm spot of comfort in her pain. When we were through, we pushed medicated mice down her throat, praying for her to swallow. She recovered fully, and I visited her everyday there after. Losing her was a terrible blow; it was fast, but I hate to think I wasn't there to try and help.

Big Girl, a 14-foot Burmese Python.

Bella. My baby Bella, the white tail fawn that I have helped in raising over the past two years. Bella who stole my heart, and pranced upon her finger thin legs to give me kisses. Bella who I snuck treats to. Bella who I sat with because she was afraid of the thunder. Bella whose velvet nose became my shadow around her pen. My Bella. It was a fever. Long, painful, horrific. I can't stand to consider it. I should have been there to hold her like I did in the rain.

My Bella Baby, a white-tail faun.

I know this is a part of the path I love so dearly, but I also know that this will never get easier. I will always love them this much, it will always hurt, I will always cry, and each one will have a place in my heart.

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- You will get something.
- What I create will be just for you.
- It'll be done sometime this year.
- I'll need to know your favorite animal and mailing address if you live far away.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to repost this in your journal. (Edit as necessary)

No purchase necessary. Participation required. Void where prohibited. Batteries may be included. Offer ends when my calendar falls off the wall.

I just came home after getting my hair butchered. The woman was an idiot and i am going to be paying for it for quite a while. It's too long too short uneven chipped and buzzed. I will never go back or suggest this salon.

Did i mention she was high?

Heads are going to roll.

I look like shit.

Farewell to what shaggy mane the last three months and lack of scissors has allowed my hair! I am off to find some salon, picture of Kira K in hand, and chopping it off again.

To all of those who wonder when the short hair reign of madness will end, I have decided. It will be when I settle down and have kids. So truly, years from now. I am going to rock the rocker look as long as a can, bright colored hair clips and head banging included.

A) If someone isn't nice to me on facebook soon, i am quitting the account. I am so disgusted by the number of "Where are you, you are being a bad friend message me" messages that I am through. Checking facebook has reached that horrific level of checking my phone messages. If you tell me I suck and should call you, I AM NOT GOING TO CALL. So SHOCKING I don't want to be yelled at. HA!

2: I am a hummingbird for now. I am a tiger for now. I am a wolf for now. I am a doe for now. Contest any of these statements if you dare.

iii.You were not proud of me then. You would not be proud of me now. You do not want to get back together with me. My skin does not 'feel like home'. All of you. All of you men and boys who dared to hold on too tight or got scared. You are not a part of my life. I am happy now.

4) I am happy now.

IV. Paint brushes should never wear too much.

F) I am happy now.

Can clams even really be happy?
For the sake of the moment and age old saying; Yes.
And I am happier then any clam ever in existence.
Take that clam world!

One of the main threats of the critically endangered California Condor is bullets. How is this possible for a bird that it is illegal to hunt? Condors are scavengers who eat carrion. If they decide to feast upon an animal that has been shot with a lead bullet, the lead enters their blood stream, killing them slowly. As of 2008 there are only 327 known C. condors, with up to half in captivity. This is a huge step from the 1987 population of just 22, who were all taken to the San Diego Zoo for breeding and species rehabilitation.
The fact that so much time, effort and care has been put into saving these, North America's largest land bird, solely for them to die by careless gunshot and unclaimed kill is despicable. It is a common practice among some hunters who use lead bullets to shoot, and not kill. Most aren't good enough to claim a head shot, or direct kill. They only injure the animal enough for it to die later. And yes folks, it dies of lead poisoning. This removes the carcass from almost any use outside of being mounted on same jack-ass' wall.
With the removal of lead bullets from the hunting scene, many animals will benefit (and no, not because there will be LESS hunters). This is because the protected species will be safe from this lead poisoning. Also, it is much more 'humane'.
I will post more later on the background of this impressive bird, and just how you can help.

You know those mornings you wake up with the taste of blood in your mouth so strong you swear others can smell it on you? It's the morning when you wonder vaguely at who you killed last night because your mouth is fine. Call your loved ones.
It's the day you curl up at the bottom of your shower dreaming of bathtubs and of vines that will re-claim cities. With your nose so close to the drain you will finally realize it reads "Oakland, C- Hip H-- Revolut---" and someone hass scratched it out with razorblades. You begin to wonder what music and drain covers have to do with each other when your organs begin their long delivery through your skin. Your full heart and twisted intestines are exposed, your body proud of the poisons it brews. People only start to notice when the steam dies down, so you cover yourself in layers and layers but your veins creep out like the vines they dream of.
Back in bed your back becomes immobile. Your limbs however begin to move on their own, independently controlled by the brains inside your hips and shoulder blades. Jealous, the brain that trails down your spine like his fingertips boycotts thought and you sleep. You will wake up with bruises.
Maybe though, you will wake up to gifts of mountains that bloom and die like roses. Maybe you will realize you have always wanted vines. Maybe you have something to look forward to.
Take another shower, feel better, and daydream. These dreams will heal any bruises.

The scanner light made quite a few imperfections come out, but I am ok with it. The original is better.